Chapter 13: A Brief Recap...

Well, we'll get to what Jane said in a moment. Right now, you're probably much more interested in what's going on with all the characters we've just been taking for granted...

Take the ill-fated insurance salesman from Chapter 1, for instance. At this very moment, his wife is driving home from the funeral service. It is raining (or this wouldn't be fiction). That water on her face, however, is from her tears. She had truly loved the man, and now he was gone forever. What she doesn't know yet (and frankly wouldn't be thinking about right now even if she did know) is that she won't even be able to collect on his Term Life, because the circumstances of his death, shot while selling insurance, will be considered suicide. Also, authorities have no leads as to who his killer might be: none of the witnesses they questioned could seem to recall anything.

Remember Paul, the professional Hot, Mysterious, Male Upgrade who was just a bit too self-aware? In the past few days, he has done absolutely nothing. He sits at home waiting for someone to start writing about him again. By the time he reads this, it will be too late.

While Jane was at the GAP draining Gosen's credit card, she noticed in passing a group of three particularly pretty young girls. Jane had no way of knowing this, of course, but just one of them, the one named Katie, was a virgin. That night, Katie and her two friends went to a party. There, Katie lost her virginity with her boyfriend, who is named Gary, and is an asshole. Gary will tell just about everyone he knows, and will naturally embellish a bit. Before long, rumors will circulate, and Katie will be branded a slut and alienated from her friends.

No one has seen the owner of the Italian restaurant from Chapter 3, Lorenzo, for several days now, but no one is aware of this, either, due to the fact that his identical twin stepbrother Aaron is covering for him. Even Helga, his beautiful (but apparently very stupid) fiancée, hasn't caught on. Lorenzo and Aaron have been trading places like this since they were kids, and by now it's just an old habit.

The cashier from the rental car agency in Chapter 2 is currently telling off his boss. As it turns out, Julia's cruel "register biscuit" comment triggered an awakening in this woefully over-qualified, underemployed twenty-something. It really got him thinking about who he was, what he was doing with his life, and all that existential stuff he'd merely learned academically in college.

Rod Stewart...just kidding - no one cares what Rod Stewart is doing, of course.

Lefty "It's a Long Story" Jorgenson (the bartender) is simply busy polishing his shot glasses. He takes pride in his work. What's the deal with his nickname? Well, he's not actually left-handed, you see.

A man named Carbuncle, who happens to be the detective that will be investigating the mysterious deaths of uncounted subdivision dwellers along with several midget ninjas, is sitting in his favorite chair and slippers sipping herbal tea and watching reruns of CHiPs. He watches it because he hates Eric Estrada. Sometimes he even makes snide little remarks during the show. Don't ask me. Maybe it's kind of like people who watch Jerry Springer and think, "Whoever watches this show must be so stupid..." Carbuncle lives alone, needless to say.

In any case, our co-heroine Jane, whom we left standing atop a pile of bodies, lifts her chin and says...

Continue on to the next chapter, following Jane's plotline...
Continue on to the next chapter, following the original storyline...