Chapter 8: When a Taxi Cab Becomes a Death Trap

The taxi driver stopped at a red light. They were now two blocks away from the meeting with Robin Williams. The driver turned around in his seat. No, he wasn't Muslim. Oddly enough he was Irish and he talked in a thick Montana accent.

"So, what do you two have planned for this fine afternoon?" he asked.

Julia had never had a conversation with a taxi driver. That is other than the usual directions. "We're having a meeting with Robin Williams. "

"Oh really?" responded the Irish taxi driver, "I met him once. He called me Paul. It was really weird. I think he was drunk."

Julia and Gene exchanged looks.

"Too bad, though," added the driver.

"Too bad about what?" asked Julia.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you this but, you won't be meeting with Robin Williams today."

"Huh?"

"You see, unfortunately you two picked the wrong cab to climb in to. This car is wired with a bomb. If any of us get out of the car than it will blow up. If we try to call for help or roll down the windows the car will blow up. If I change the radio station the car will blow up. If I adjust the air conditioning or the seat position or the rear view mirror or open the glove compartment the car will blow up. Basically the only thing that will keep this car from blowing up is to keep driving like nothing is wrong."

As one can guess, Julia and Gene were in shock. The light turned green. And the death trap of a taxi rolled on towards a fiery destination.

Julia finally managed to form a sentence. "Who is doing this?" Meanwhile Gene soiled his side of the backseat.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm Irish." The driver received nods from his passengers who had already taken notice of his thin red hair and numerous freckles. "Well my father was a member of the Irish Republican Army. One night a few months ago he got really drunk, although that always happens, and he accidentally killed a very important member of the National Rifle Association who was visiting his Ireland clients."

"How did he kill him?"

"My dad thought the guy's head was a coconut so he drilled a hole in his head and drank out the fluids."

Julia and Gene let out a simultaneous, "EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!"

"So the NRA sent out a group of its militia to kill my dad. My dad, being really smart fled the land of his fathers and came to Montana to hide out with me. Unfortunately he forgot that the NRA is an American organization, Montana being a large source of its membership. They found us and we all had a big gun fight in which me and my dad took out twenty of the assholes. After that we ran here to Chicago only to find more 'NRA for Life' members waiting for us. They shot my dad and shoved me in this tank and told me to pick up somebody and then drive down to Atlanta."

"Why would they want you to drive down to Atlanta?"

"I think they want their president to kill me himself. What's his name? The guy from the movie with the talking apes."

"Why would he be down in Atlanta? That doesn't make any sense."

"Tell me about it! And how do they expect us get more fuel if we can't leave the car? Do they think we'll make it down there on one tank? This story is filled with plot holes!"

"Plot holes?"

"Yeah! Like one minute you have short blonde hair, the next you have a mohawk, and now you have long black hair!"

Julia looked up and suddenly noticed that her hair was long and black!

"And you!" said the driver pointing to Gene, "A few minutes ago you were Gene Simmons, but now you're Gene Roddenberry!"

Gene chuckled. "What are you talking about? I'm not Gene Roddenberry. Where do you come up with this stuff?"

Julia then looked to her right to find that her once lover Gene Simmons had been strangely transformed into the ultra-dork creator of the dorkiest show of all time, Gene Roddenberry.

Julia began to laugh hysterically. Gene began to cry.

"You see what I mean? There are some really fucked-up plot holes going around. Really makes you wonder what kind of fucked-up losers are writing this story anyway."

So the trio kept on driving. Whatever screwy and unlikely events were ahead of them they would encounter in the next chapter...

Continue on to the next chapter, following Julia's plotline...
Continue on to the next chapter, following the original storyline...