|Oct. 16, 2002 - "My nomination came out of the blue, and I'd like to find out who's responsible for it because I think I owe them some money. Upon hearing I'd won, I gave a hearty guffaw, which turned into a chuckle and, later, a maniacal cackle. Obviously, the implications are profound. Already, I've taken a vow of poverty. Which probably doesn't mean as much when you're already poor. It's sort of like an ostrich taking a vow of flightlessness, but still..."
"My list of acknowledgements goes on and on. I'll try to keep it brief. Ahem. I'd like to thank my 9 original fans, who made up the core voting group. (Your Blockbuster gift certificates are in the mail. ~wink~) Also, I'd like to thank my friends at the Liquor Locker and, by extension, Captain Morgan, Jose Cuervo, Mr. Seagram and the entire Seagram family, Mr. Michelob, the Canada Dry company, and of course my attorney, Bobo "Orange Sunshine" Diesel, without whom everything is possible. I'd also like to thank everyone who voted not FOR me but AGAINST all of my competitors. Thank you."