It just wouldn’t be the holidays without getting the whole family together for an entire day of food and presents and arguing about which of the kids have been the biggest disappointment since graduating high school, but it’s more common than you’d think that sometimes these gatherings can feature family members unwrapping just as much stress and frustration as they do presents from under the tree!
Whether it’s an obnoxious uncle or an obnoxious niece or even a pair of loving, good-intentioned, but also quite obnoxious grandparents, here are a few simple tips to make any gathering of the tribes during this otherwise magical time of the year a bit more jolly and bright…
- Wine is a staple of every great family gathering, and you can buy it by the pallet at Costco for half the cost that traditional therapy will run you next year.
- Fun Game: Whenever your Republican uncle uses the words libtard, Obummer, or lame stream media, throw a fruitcake at his head. Just be aware that you may irreparably damage your fruitcake in the process.
- Remember that musical instruments make great gifts for those nieces and nephews who you only see once a year!
- Need suggestions for a dish to pass for dinner? Fine delicacies such as corn dogs and nachos and chicken nuggets will ensure that next year your aunt will just tell you, “Don’t worry about it, honey – we’ll have plenty of food…”
- Just can’t stomach the political banter that spans the empty void between every meal? Tough shit.
- You only see some of these people once a year – keep an insult journal to make sure you don’t leave anybody out.
- When opening presents, thank your relatives for their thoughtfulness by completely failing to acknowledge that they were any way involved with picking out your gifts – just like when you were a kid.
- Grandparents will be anxious to know what you’ve been up to lately. Create an elaborate backstory to gauge how senile they’ve gone since you saw them last.
- Rekindling an old sibling rivalry is a great way to liven up any gathering. Set fire to your sister’s car and then see what fun way she chooses to retaliate!
- And above all, remember that whether you’re Christian or Republican or Jewish or normal, the important thing about being miserable during the holidays is being miserable together as a family.