Just Laugh’s Guide to Wishing Me a Happy Birthday

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Birthdays are a very special celebration that only comes around once a year…

…which is a good thing or else we’d all be a whole lot older, am I right?! 😯

Anyways, as some of you already know and some are about to awkwardly learn, today is the birthday of yours truly … the anniversary of the day upon which I was first brought into this world by a stork carrying a white satchel addressed to my parents – I was pretty young at the time, but they tell me it was pretty cool!

Still, some people have a hard time wishing me happy birthday, as meticulously noted by the disappointing number of you who did the deed approximately one year ago today, so this time around we’re going to give it another whirl and I’ve put together a whole bulleted list of truly spectacular ways that you can wish me a happy birthday.

There are eight of them in total – you can do as many as you’d like, but traditionally you need only do one to be a hero in today’s adventure…

• Do it with cake. Whether you’re jumping out of it or just presenting my favorite flavors (pssst – chocolate & peanut butter!) via multiple, towering layers on a silver platter, there’s nothing like a delicious cake to tell someone, “Happy Birthday … you are going to share this with other people, right???”
• Sing me a song. Goes great if you also happen to be jumping out of a cake, but even if it’s not that kind of party, songs of a repetitive, name-dropping nature are always nice for a good boost of the old birthday ego!
• Give me things. Popular gifts at the moment include Legos, video games, and large stacks of money in small, unmarked bills. Jumping out of the stack of money is completely optional, but it would be a nice touch.
• Give me silence. Also popular at the moment in my household is lots of barking and screaming on account of antsy dogs and children learning to talk, so if you wanted to make my birthday gift you kidnapping one or both of these denizens for a couple of hours, as long as you tell me in advance I’m down with that…
• Make me laugh. Come on, funny man – tell me a joke. See … this ain’t so easy now, is it?!
• Get me drunk. It doesn’t take much these days … seriously, even you getting drunk yourself and then just breathing in my general direction will probably do it.
• Name something in space after me. I was always a little envious of those people who owned an acre on the moon or had a star named after them. It’s probably all bullshit, but who’s gonna know?! The space police??? They’ve got better things to worry about…
• Just tell me on the Internet. It takes, like, two seconds to do it on Facebook – they remind you and everything! Or send me a tweet. Or write it on your napkin before you post that picture of your lunch. Or just share this post on your wall – maybe one of your other friends will take the hint.