So we’ve learned that apparently Jesus hates the new red cups that Starbucks recently debuted for the holidays – this much is certain.
But while we’re on the subject, there are probably loads of other things that we’re all doing to screw up Christmas for the truly righteous, many of which we’ll never even know. But for the ones that we do, we might as well make a list so that we can maybe try to not do them in the future or something?
I mean for next year, that is, because Christmas 2015 is most definitely ruined with the whole cup thing alone! Here’s what we want to avoid for Christmas 2016…
- Not equally scrutinizing the color choices for cups, napkins, and disposable cutlery at our nation’s other quick service dining establishments.
- Already putting up our Boxing Day decorations in the middle of November.
- Drawing little devil horns on our snow angels like this is some sort of game or something.
- Eating regular, old boring M&M’s when special holiday flavors like peppermint and gingerbread are only available for a limited time.
- Using the Lord’s name in vainly like it’s going out of style when we can’t find a parking spot at the mall.
- Humming along to Frosty the Snowman instead of really taking the time to learn the message behind the song.
- Insisting that even though it’s the wrong holiday, fish is still very much totally and unequivocally meat.
- Continuing to put all of humanity’s faith in the magical wonder of Santa Claus instead of – you know, the other guy…