Humor Blog Highlights

What He Said / What He Really Meant… – Donald Trump edition

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It’s been roughly two weeks since The Donald won the presidency, and though he isn’t set to officially take office until January, some have already raised concerns that our new Hairpiece in Chief may be dialing back on some of the promises that he made during his campaign.

So just to help clear up any confusion, we’ve put together this handy guide to better understand Mr. Trump’s decrees straight from the horse’s … mouth? Sure, let’s go with that…

What Trump Said…

“I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.”

What He Really Meant…

“I will build a wall … I mean, maybe not an actual wall – in some places we’ll use fencing, or chicken wire, or those little white decorative ones you can buy at Home Depot to go around your garden … but it’ll still be great. If Mexico still doesn’t want to pay for it, maybe we can apply for one of those Home Depot credit cards or something…”


What Trump Said…

“It is time to drain the swamp in Washington, D.C.”

What He Really Meant…

“We’re going to drain the swamp, scrub out the liner and just polish it up real nice, then refill it with an entirely new cast of alligators and frogs and other swamp-dwelling creatures that are so much greater than the ones who were living in that swamp before I came along.”


What Trump Said…

“We need to repeal Obamacare and completely replace it…”

What He Really Meant…

“Whoa – I mean, let’s not be too hasty here! Have you read Obamacare? There’s actually some decent stuff in there, though that name could use a bit of Trumping Up, if you know what I’m saying…”


What Trump Said…

“I may cut [the] Department of Education – Common Core is a very bad thing.”

What He Really Meant…

“I may choose someone from the Board of Directors of one of the largest Common Core advocacy groups to lead the Department of Education.”


What Trump Said…

“I’m going to instruct the Attorney General to get a special prosecutor to look into your [Hillary Clinton’s] situation…”

What He Really Meant…

“I have no intention of putting my defeated political opponent in jail – that’s just crazy talk! Do I look like a crazy person to you?! Because that’s what I would be if I tried to put my political opponent behind bars – C-R-A-Z-Y.”


What Trump Said…

“When you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything … grab them by the pussy.”

What He Really Meant…

“I, err, ummm – I mean, out of context, what I really was saying was a compliment? …because nobody grabs women by the pussy greater than me … no wait, I didn’t mean – shit. That came out really bad, didn’t it?”

“You don’t think my daughter heard it, though, do you? You know, if she wasn’t my daughter, I might be dating her…”

“…and yet that came out sounding incredibly pervy too…”

About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.