You’re already two weeks late for lent.
I know that, you know that, but God? He’s actually surprisingly lax about the whole thing, so better late than never when it comes to giving up stuff that you love for the Lord, am I right?!
Not sure about what you love enough to give up for this solemn religious observance in the Christian liturgical calendar? Once again we’ve put together a fantastic assortment of baubles and whatsits for your personal sacrifice to your otherwise deeply personal religious beliefs.
If you’re feeling extra-righteous, pick a couple of them to give up and boy, is Jesus going to be impressed!
- Five really small fish arranged ever so particularly on a brass plate.
- Collard greens.
- Cookie Monster Fan Fiction.
- The first 1/3 of the categories listed on PornHub – Amateur through Double Penetration.
- Pocket Lint.
- Your brother Clint.
- That dated parody song you’ve been working on – Too Legit to Lent.
- Stupid meetings at work.
- Toenail clippings.
- Leftover Halloween candy.
- At least three of the Ten Commandments – your pick.
- Not using your turn signals like a goddamned maniac.
- Pickle juice.
- Juicing (i.e. drugs).
- Bounce houses (if over 39″ tall).
- If you’re over 39″ tall, that is – 39″ would be a very small bounce house.
- Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men.
- Peanut shells.
- Sexual harassment.
- Commenting on things on the Internet without reading them first.
- General personality-induced douchery.
- Bragging about the size of your nuclear button on Twitter.