Elon Musk Announces Testing of Self-Driving Congressmen

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Palo Alto, CA (Just Laugh) – On the heels of Tesla’s rapid advances in self-driving technology, billionaire inventor Elon Musk recently shared a new announcement that his teams are working hard not only in pursuit of the next generation of transportation technologies, but also in another area desperately in need of improvement – politics.

“Now that we’re closer than ever to revolutionizing the world of personal transport with our new self-driving Tesla Model S, it seemed like an easy fit that we next apply the same principles that will make roadways all around America safer and more efficient to the global bottleneck that frustrates Americans on a daily basis within the U.S. Congress,” Musk explained from a teleconference 14 miles above the Earth’s surface.

“Compared to highway traffic,” cited Lead Engineer Rafael Sutherford, “we actually found predictability within the House and Senate to be exponentially less complex and therefore surprisingly easy to replicate with modern artificial intelligence.”

“As most Congressmen in the 21st century express their votes strictly on a partisan basis without any original thought or insight of their own making anyways,” the man holding double doctorates in industrial engineering and computer science elaborated, “the vast majority of our work simply involved grouping voting matters accordingly and then flagging the robots as either representing RED or BLUE America.”

“Sure, there are always going to be some outliers that occasionally try to think for themselves,” Musk cited as he seemed to stare off into space in anticipation of the next SpaceX Dragon launch, “and right now we’re currently working through a challenge in that those models of self-driving Congressmen have a tendency to explode during critical thinking, however we’re confident that in due time we’ll work through these bugs and ultimately be able to offer an Automated Congressional Unit that can provide all of the partisan politics that the American people expect with an exciting, new level of efficiency that the society of the future requires.”

When asked how these new scientific advancements will impact current career politicians who’ve spent the better part of their lives taking up space in Washington, Musk merely chuckled and commented, “You’re kidding, right? Considering the amount of vacation and time dedicated to pandering those guys do anyways, having their jobs taken over by robots will just be like extended vacations for them…”