Glendale, Arizona (Just Laugh) – Despite traditionally being one of the most popular sporting events of the year, football fans shocked the world today when a record nobody showed up at the University of Phoenix Stadium to watch the New England Patriots butt heads with the Seattle Seahawks for Super Bowl XLIX.
“Maybe everyone is just running late,” suggested Seahawks General Manager John Schneider as he looked out onto an otherwise empty stadium devoid of anything but hotdog and souvenir vendors who had taken to buying each other’s goods just to make themselves feel better. “I know that traffic was pretty bad out there on the 101 for me – they’re probably all just stuck in traffic, is my guess…”
When asked what would happen if the 60,000+ fans expected to attend the night’s game didn’t pull through, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell commented, “I think we might just let the boys go out there and play anyways – they’ve really been looking forward to this, and they got all dressed up for it and everything.”
“Maybe somebody will still watch us on TV,” Patriots quarterback Tom Brady offered to his team as they sat in their locker room considering their options. “I heard some of the commercials were supposed to be pretty funny this year…”