Telecoms Upset FCC All Up in Their Bid-ness with Net Neutrality Ruling

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WASHINGTON (Just Laugh) – Having received yet another tantrum-based lawsuit from the telecommunications industry in response to new net neutrality laws that were officially published in the Federal Register earlier this week, the FCC duly acknowledged with a shrug of its shoulders that many telecoms are upset with them being all up in their bid-ness as a result of them not playing nice with their toys in the first place.

“It’s so unfair – they never let us do anything that we want!” cried Centurylink CEO Glen Post, stomping his feet in disgust as his company’s lawsuit against the Federal Communications Commission became the seventh protest in argument against net neutrality. “I built this fiber-optic network all by myself and I should be able to do whatever I want with it…”

The fiber-optic network the child referenced, of course, is part of what adults know as the Internet – a global network of communications systems that was largely created by government-funded research in military and university labs around the world, connecting billions of people in profound ways that has had an unprecedented impact on society, culture, and commerce throughout the global community as a whole.

“The Internet is not a toy,” the Commission scolded as it quickly scanned its shopping list to see if the groceries that it had come in search of were good enough to last the next couple of days, “and when you start acting like an adult when it comes to managing traffic fairly and equally on your network, maybe we’ll think about giving you a little more responsibility … but you have to earn it.”

Hanging his head low as he pouted behind the FCC, grumbling about “just packing up its network and going home,” the Centurylink CEO already began plotting what he would do the following Tuesday when he went over to AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson’s house while the FCC had Pilates class that afternoon.