How I Lost $60 at the Casino in Five Minutes and Lived to Tell About It…
Ahh, casinos, the excitement of the spinning slots, the bright lights, the cows grazing on farms…wait, cows grazing on farms? There aren’t any cows in Vegas.
I’m not talking about Vegas. I’m referring to the triple threat in my hometown, the Quad Cities; the Rhythm City Casino, the Isle of Capri Casino, and the Casino Rock Island.
For years now, the Midwestern region and short distanced travelers have been getting their fix of gambling and all you can eat buffets, all without hopping on a plane to Sin City. With many choices within driving distance, it’s no surprise a night out at the casino has been the choice of entertainment for residents in the Midwest, Minnesota included.
My parents are no exception. Anybody who visits the casinos regularly may have even seen them wandering around, whether it be my mother shoving twenty dollar bills into the nickel slots or my father shoving pounds of shrimp into his mouth from the buffet. Of course I kid about the pounds of shrimp, it’s more like tons. I’m not saying that he eats a lot, it’s just with all the free dinners the casinos mail to my parents for promotional purposes, they like to take advantage of the casinos and go there four times a week, even if the casino is 300 miles away.
But the reality is, no matter how lucky you may feel that day, no matter how much you think you’re getting the best of the casinos by eating free dinners, the odds always favor the casinos. It’s been like that for years. This is one of the reasons why I don’t gamble that much. I never win. And to this, my father always says, “Chances are you’re never going to win at the casino, but if you don’t go there and play, then you’re never going to win at the casino.”
So I said, “What the heck? I’ll try my luck.”
I go to the Rhythm City Casino and start off a winner. Sure it took a while, but eventually the security guard believed I was over 21 years old. Score one for Jason.
I make my way to the entrance, only to be greeted by a sign that reads, ‘Our slots have a 97.4% pay back rate.’ That’s not a bad rate. Or is it?
Let’s think about the sign for a moment. ‘Our slots have a 97.4% pay back rate.’ What does that actually mean?
I dissect the sentence until I come up with a conclusion. Here’s what I come up with.
To make things simple, I’ll use round numbers: If 100 people put one dollar into 100 different slot machines and one of those slot machines pays out $97.40, then the 97.4% pay back rate rings true. Right?
In my mind, that leaves me to believe that one person in 100 actually go home a winner. So I think to myself, ‘A 97.4% pay back rate is not bad, but it’s not the best. There could be a 98%, a 99%, or even a 100% pay back machine.’
For about an hour of walking around looking for that better machine (and in that time, yes, I do see my mother and father), I finally get lucky.
I put a twenty dollar bill into a machine and wouldn’t you know it, twenty dollars in coins come out. I think to myself, ‘Hmm?’
I do it again.
Once again, after putting a twenty dollar bill in, twenty dollars in coins spit out. Imagine my surprise.
I turn around to see if anyone has caught onto my luck and sure enough, a man walks up behind me. I take another twenty dollar bill out and repeat the process. And once again, twenty dollars in coins come shooting out.
I turn around to look at the guy who is now getting upset. In my mind I believe he’s jealous because I found a machine that actually has a 100% pay back rate. Then it hits me.
The man turns to me and says, “Are you done with the change machine?”
Score one for the casino.
I excuse myself and walk up to a slot machine. And within minutes, I lose my $60.00 in coins. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to win anyway, rather I really just went for the experience.
So now, every time my father says to me, “Chances are you’re never going to win on the boat, but if you don’t go there and play, then you’re never going to win on the boat,” I always reply, “Dad, the buffet has more than just shrimp.”
