Children Warned Not to Touch Supermoon

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Boswell, OK (Just Laugh) – As nighttime falls and the planet’s only moon races closer to Earth than it will be for the next two decades, residents of Boswell, Oklahoma were found warning small children to “look, but not touch” the brightly illuminated object in the sky for fear that it could fall out of the sky and crush the entire central midwestern United States.

“Jasmine, Tony – I’m not gonna tell you again!” shouted Jamie Mayville, 37, as she watched nervously while her five and eight year-old children ran playfully around the backyard, occasionally jumping off of the pile of truck tires against the back fence to come dangerously close to brushing the moon with their own fingers.

“These kids today,” Mayville briefly explained, “they don’t know when to just let something be – the Internet teaches ’em that!”

Despite reassurances that the moon was still some 221,000 miles away and that touching it was veritably impossible without somehow growing freakishly long arms, fifteen minutes later the mother nervously rushed her children inside and instructed them to watch Honey Boo Boo on television until it was time for bed – just to be safe.