NEW YORK CITY (Just Laugh) – As he’s done approximately 17 times per Earth day since the name Trump first became synonymous with talking loudly and emphatically about things … BIG THINGS, billionaire and Hair Club for Men founding member Donald Trump took to the stage in lower Manhattan to announce his intentions to do something or other of implied significance in front of dozens of Americans who are paid money to listen to him talk and then tell the rest of us plebeians what he said.
“That thing that all of the other rich people are doing – I shall do it, too, and I shall do it better, for my name is Donald Trump,” Trump boasted with an unauthorized version of Neil Young’s Rockin’ in the Free World blaring patriotically in the background.
“I have people that work for me that do amazing things,” the man pontificated to no one in particular. “This speech, for example – I paid a team of people to write it. And these clothes – I believe they were hand-sewed by a band of exceptionally talented nine year-olds in China. Whatever it is – I have great people under me to drive the Trump brand to success, and that’s exactly what I intend to do with whatever we’re gathered here to talk about today.”
Later during an electric light show over the city that Trump confirmed was “very expensive,” his Royal Hairness admitted that he had already grown bored with whatever it was he had committed to doing earlier that day, but if that’s what it would take to get America back on track, he’d be happy to do his part by lavishly announcing to give it another try several times more in the weeks to come until a legitimately capable person steps forward whom he can outsource the job to while still furthering to build the Trump brand into an even more impressive whatever than it already is.