How to Make $41 Per Day
From the “Just When You Think Life Couldn’t Get Any Worse File” comes the story of Richard Goddard, Jr., a 21 year old Colona, Illinois man.
Last year, Goddard (who lived in Rockford, Illinois at the time) and David Winkleman, of Davenport, Iowa, sued the owners of a Quad Cities radio station after the two friends tattooed the 93.5 KORB logo on their foreheads.
However, it seems the promotion that caused the two men to mark themselves for life was actually a practical joke.
“We’re tattooed, we’re angry and we’re suing,” they told reporters. Okay, so it’s not as catchy as “We’re queer, we’re here, get used to it!” but it could become a rallying cry for the chronically stupid — assuming anyone else is stupid enough to put a tattoo on their forehead.
The incident occurred in 2000 when disc jockey Ben Stone offered backstage passes and concert tickets to anyone who put a temporary “93 Rock” tattoo on their forehead. He then offered $150,000 paid over five years to anyone who had the station’s logo permanently tattooed on their forehead.
So Goddard and Winkleman, being mental giants with great foresight and long-range vision, did just that. Winkleman says he called Goddard and the two men made plans to get KORB’s logo plastered on their forehead.
Of course, Winkleman was no dummy. He first called the radio station to make sure the offer was legitimate. When someone assured him that, yes we will give you $150,000 if you put our full-color logo on your head permanently so everyone can see it until the day you die, I’ll bet he thought he was going to live the rest of his life on Easy Street.
I guess you have to get up pretty early to fool David Winkleman.
But wait, things didn’t go according to plan! Not only did the station not pay either man the money they were promised, they were both fired from their jobs the following day. And since that fateful day in November, 2000, neither man has been able to find work ever since.
Now I’ve seen lots of people with tattoos, numerous painful piercings and intentional disfigurements (like those earrings that create holes the size of dimes — what’s THAT all about?), but I’ll never understand why someone would 1) put a tattoo on their forehead, or 2) wear a tattoo of a radio station that is now guaranteed to become a Barry Manilow cover tunes station.
I can only imagine the decision-making process the two must have used.
Goddard: –static– $150,000 –static– Tattoo –static– Forehead –static static–
Winkleman: Uhhhhhh…
However, Stone and KORB’s owners, Cumulus Broadcasting, say the whole thing was a practical joke. As a Cumulus Broadcasting spokesman told reporters, “There was never any intention of paying money…(t)he idea was simply that persons who responded to the announcement would be publicly scorned and ridiculed for their greed and lack of common sense.”
Understandably, Goddard and Winkleman dispute that. “We were listening to (Stone’s) radio show one day, when he announced that anyone willing to have the station’s logo permanently tattooed on their foreheads would be awarded $30,000 a year for life.”
That’s why the two poster children for common sense are filing a $300,000 lawsuit.
Hmm, let’s see $300,000 divided by $30,000 per year is…10 years! And if you split that between the two of them, reduce that to $15,000 per year. Either Goddard and Winkleman believe that they can somehow live out the rest of their lives on $150,000 each, or they frequently do such moronic things that 10 years is an optimistic estimate of their own life spans.
Although recent updates on this case haven’t explained what’s going on with David Winkleman, it seems that Goddard’s situation has gone from bad to worse.
Understandably, Goddard’s life has gone into the toilet, as he is most likely known as “That Tattoo Guy” around the Quad Cities. So he’s taken to complaining constantly about it to his roommates, John and Mary Rushman.
Apparently the two became so fed up with his incessant whining, griping, and threats of suicide over the situation he created for himself, they decided to help him out.
According to the Moline (Illinois) Dispatch, the couple tied a noose around Goddard’s neck and tried hanging him from a ceiling beam. When he struggled, they beat him in the face with a ball-peen hammer. Police were called to the scene, and the Rushmans were arrested and charged with aggravated assault. Goddard was taken to the hospital and released two days later from an area hospital.
You have to feel bad for Goddard though. Now, instead of being know as That Tattoo Guy, the astute citizens of the Quad Cities will refer to him as Hammertime.
But I’ll always think of him as the moron who should have just gotten “Idiot Inside” tattooed on his head.
